Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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