I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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