oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
