i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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