Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
