Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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