I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
