i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
