I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
