I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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