where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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