Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
