One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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