Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
