i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
