already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
