So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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