i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
