He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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