yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
