i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
