He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
pray to the hookup gods
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
