sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
