I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
