i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
