ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
