If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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