I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
