Do vagina's smell?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
