we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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