I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
