Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
