Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
