Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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