you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
