i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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