okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
