Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
