Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
