The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
