her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
