My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
