I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
