god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
