Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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