I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
