I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
