just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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