U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
