last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
