Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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